Journey to the Center of Myself

 I am fat. I’ve been fat since I was born. I used to joke around, saying, “I just never lost my baby fat,” and laugh about it. But it was never a joke. My obesity crushed my self-confidence, cost me friendships, and kept me from doing things that I would’ve loved doing. 

I have a thing going for me; I don’t quit.  During my childhood and teen years, I dieted - a lot. I walked a lot also. The dieting worked, but only short term. I fell off the wagon repeatedly but never gave up. Even though it was hard to keep trying, believing that I would fail again, I still never lost complete hope. That brings me to you, here and now. I am 46 years old, and obesity is a more dire and consequential thing than it has ever been. My blood pressure sky rockets, and my hips, knees, and back ache.  I don't want to be in pain, and I certainly don't want to die, not without doing the things that I love. 

I have a new goal: to bring you along for my next attempt. This time, it’s ride or die, baby. I want to make you a promise, since you’re here with me now. If I fail, I’ll let you know about it, and I will never see failing - in the short term- as a complete loss of the war but a learning opportunity. I will get back up and keep going until those goals and dreams become a reality. If you come along with me, I think it’ll be a fun time and maybe, possibly, I can inspire some of you to do better in your lives or gain the confidence to go after your hopes and passions. All you need to do is read along and give me a comment from time to time to let me know you’re around.

So, I’ve already started. As of January 1, 2025 I was 237.8 lbs (transparency sucks!) I’ve lost a little over 20lbs so far. I lost because I was crash dieting, eating only 600 - 800 calories a day. The weight loss was going well, but then began to slow considerably. I didn't realize I was slowing my metabolism down until I inquired with a weight loss Facebook group. I did some research to verify what they were saying, then started eating more because it turned out they were right.

I doubled my caloric intake to about 1100 calories per day and right away gained 3 pounds. That was a Debbie Downer for sure when I was hanging on every ounce lost, weighing every single day. But the spike leveled off and began to drop, and I started losing again, even with having one cheat meal a week. Right now, I’ve given up that cheat meal (unless there is something special happening). It is too hard to let myself eat whatever then be able to control my eating every day for another week. I’ve found that keeping myself under submission all the time is easier than doing it part of the time.

So far, this has been my journey. I get up at 5:20 am and lift weights for 45 minutes, get ready, and leave for work. After work, I walk for 4 miles. Today, my little boy hung out for 2 miles with me. Then, shortly after, my wife and I walked around the block again together. This week was a huge success. The goal, though, is not only to do it but to keep doing it every day, even when it’s raining and cold or hot and miserable. We can't let the excuses of life get us down and ruin our momentum.

Here are some of the foods I had this week. Cooking is a huge part of the journey. Some say 80 or 90 percent of weight loss happens in the kitchen. I would have to agree, some of the guys I have talked to haven't exercised at all and are still losing weight! For me, eating right motivates me to exercise and exercising motivates me to eat right. If I worked hard that day I don't want to ruin it with a day of bad eating.

 Counterclockwise from top left - Chinese chicken over quinoa, never tried quinoa before, it was good! Turkey wrap with homemade cottage cheese egg wrap and spicy queso popcorner chips. The wrap had great flavor but wouldn't roll up very well. Egg and sausage tortilla with cheese and light sour cream is good but SO filling. And my chicken parm made with cottage cheese and provolone cheese was very good, as was everything, and all was so filling! My wife helped me with some of the cooking as she is way better at it than me!

Finally, here are some of my weightlifting workouts. They are total-body dumbbell-only workouts, 4 days a week. This is one of the hardest things for me to do, as I hate lifting weights. I find it very boring, although I love making gains and seeing progress. I downloaded this workout from Muscle and Strength free online. I finished a 3-day-a-week workout first and now have upped to this one. Well, friends, I hope you find this encouraging, and maybe you can lay out something similar for your health journey as well. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Keep doing hard things!